Cleaning Egg & Toilet Paper From Your Home

Cleaning Egg & Toilet Paper From Your Home

For reasons that cannot be fully explained, your home or property has become the target of egg-throwers and toilet paper artists. While not particularly destructive, they can be a time-consuming mess to clean up.  Here are some tips:


Egg On The House

It’s crucial to remember that time is important when cleaning smashed eggs.  The fresher the assault, the easier it’s going to be to clean it up.  Left for too long, the moisture in eggs can evaporate and leave behind a sticky-gross blog of protein and fat.

If your house has been egged, you will need some basic tools:

  1. Warm water (don’t use hot)
  2. Garden Hose
  3. Gentle scrubbing cloth
  4. High-alkaline detergent (the kind you would use to clean up bodily fluids)

First, you are going to use the hose to GENTLY wet the area under the egg strike.  This will make the surface less absorbent, and should help you later on.

Next, spray the area above the egg (again, GENTLY) in a downward direction.  Getting above it with a ladder is helpful if you happen to have one handy.  This will get a large portion of the egg off of the house.  DO NOT just blast the egg with the hose jet. Doing this will just splatter the eggs all over everything around it and make your work more difficult.

An alternative to using a hose is by filling a bucket of warm water and pouring it over the egg strike from above.  It’s important to use warm water and not hot water.  Using hot water could cause parts of the egg to cook right onto the siding and that will make it much harder to clean.  Using cold water will also make the cleaning difficult by thickening the proteins and making things harder to flush.

Once you have flushed the egg from the siding, get some more warm water and the detergent.  Regular dish-soap wont be enough to wash it completely; you need to make sure to use a high-alkaline detergent that’s made to clean organic material.  You can find these easily at the grocery store.  Apply the detergent and give it a few moments to work before gently washing the remaining egg from the siding by hand.  This should prevent any egg smell from lingering after the fact.  Rinse again with warm water.

Egg On Your Car

You will need:

  1. Car-wash cloth
  2. bucket of warm water (don’t use hot)
  3. Car-wash detergent
  4. auto-body rubbing compound (maybe)

Again, the sooner you can clean it the better.  Left for too long on your car, smashed eggs can damage the clear coat and stain the paint.  Your best bet here is to either wash the egg off immediately by pulling into an automatic car-wash (if you are egged while driving) or by gently flushing the egg using warm water (if you happen to be home when it happens).

If you don’t come to the scene of the crime until well after, its time to hydrate the smash-site as best you can.  You can do this by hand with warm water (soaking a cloth in warm water and leaving it on top of the strike can help), or by turning the sprinkler on it for a few hours.  You will then need to use a commercial car-wash detergent to wash it.  You may still notice some staining when the proteins from the egg have etched the paint, but this can be remedied using your choice of auto-body rubbing compound, just make sure to follow the instructions on the label.

**Important note:  If the eggs were rotten, you will have the additional smell-factor to deal with.  Usually, you just have to wait for the smell to go away on its own.  Using anything too harsh could damage the exterior of your home or the paint on your car.**  


Toilet Paper



The only trick to clean toilet paper from your home or trees is to do it before it rains.  Seriously.  There aren’t any shortcuts or scientific methods for cleaning that stuff up.

You will need:

  1. Garbage Bags
  2. A ladder
  3. Long poles (or just something to reach with)
  4. Some help
  5. A clear weather forecast

Get some friends together and get to work. Start on the highest areas first and work your way down.  As long as this stuff stays dry, you should be able to get most of it with little or no trouble (aside from having to climb around on your tree).

If it gets wet though, you are in for a frustrating clean-up operation.  Wet toilet paper will cling to anything and will tear very easily.  If it’s on your house, your  best bet is to try go get above it with the hose and try to flush it (no pun intended) down to the ground.  You might also have luck using a power washer if you have one.

If you are trying to clean wet toilet paper from a tree, you won’t have much luck.  Grab the hanging parts and clean as much as you can, but anything that remains up in the tree is likely going to stay there.  Thankfully, toilet paper is made to disintegrate pretty quickly and after one or two rains you wont be able to see any more on the branches.  It’s not likely to hurt the tree.  Keep an eye on the ground under the tree which might need some additional raking to get the rest of the paper that fell off the branches.


The best way to avoid getting egged and/or teepeed on Halloween:

  • Give out good candy on (no cornballs or bananas) 😉
  • Try to be nice to kids in the neighborhood
  • Keep your front yard well-lit and open
  • Put your car into the garage for the night, or arrange for it to be parked someplace safe


Have a happy and save Halloween!

…And as always, Happy Gardening!